Barbossa: "It is THIS big."
Captain Jack: "You wish."

Barbossa thinks: "How many times can they bring him back?"
Sparrow thinks: "How many times can they bring him back?"

I don't...like you.

"Dont blame me if you cant get your arms out, I use to play piano."

What do you mean you never saw Lantana?

"im not gonna ask you agin jack , caress it ! "

I will go from here and be The Black Pearl's Captain, not you!

"Sorry bout the fart Jack, Had a lot of rum lastnight"!

So if you were stuck on a deserted island, and you could choose one person to be with you. Who would you choose?

With all of Barbosa's yammering on, I knew this was going to be a long day.

"All I can offer is a leg up."

have you realized at all that your arms are free?...

"It's really hard to play with my self in this thing." Tank Girl.

" Don't you hate it when your all dressed up and nowhere to go!"

It's gonna cost us an arm and a leg to get out of this

""Should we jerk each other off?""

Barbosa: So what was it you were saying Jack...
Jack: Yeah, so any way I think...
Barbosa: Like that...oooohhhhhh
Jack: We need to focus on getting out...
Barbosa: Hmmmmmm, yeeeeah....
Jack: It would be beneficial if we...
Barbosa: aaaahhhhhhhhhhhh ooohhhh
Jack: We just need to get...OK, enough of that please, it is not helping my hangover and I really feel violated right now....

So, that just pops right off huh? Kinky.

OMG, Jack look over in the distance behind you..!!
Oh.. sorry you.. can't turn around..

If I don't make it through this make sure you hide my porn. It would crush my mother.

Is it too late to ask for "Parley"?

Don't you judge me; I'm not the one wearing eyeliner.

"So how have you been lately?"

"It looks like the ninjas win this round."

Sparrow: Will Turner sent me here to settle his debt!
Barbosa: Oh did he now? He told me the same thing.

Jack: Why are you here wearing that uniform?
Barbosa: I taught the king to speak by saying "F" words.

The MPAA is really serious about illegal downloads.

"So... know any good jokes?"

don't look now... Tim burton is right behind you!

Since we are letting everything out... My dream as a kid was to be a ballerina... I became a pirate just to make enough money to afford the classes.

Well at least they didn't take your hat...

Jack: So what you get your wife for valentines day?
Barbosa: She wanted somthing that went from 0 to 20 in a second. So I got her a scale.

What would you do-o-o for my rum filled leg?

I didn't mean this kind of bondage.

Did you see where they put my effects?

I was told there'd be mermaids.

So this is how Disney treats its employees...!

we'll never get to White Castle now.

YO-HO! and a Leg Full of Rum. It's a Pirate's Life for me!

1st one out gets the Black Pearl

At least I am the captain of an Oak Tree

Jack: This is YOUR fault, I wanted to stay in Wonderland but NO, you wanted me to come with you after you got a job from Charles V...what did you do for him anyway?
Barbosa: There was a time before my years as a pirate where I was a speech therapist.
Jack: Really? Well that didn't show last night, look at us! IM TIED TO A TREE!!!
Barbosa: As least we have our clothes...
Jack: This is what I get for drinking. Maybe I should write about it, I'll call it.....The Rum Diaries.
Barbosa: Can I be in it?
Jack: NO!

Did you know that before they eat you, canabals make you get an erection so there is more meat?

"I never knew you liked being kinky"

Why does stuff like this always happen when I hang out with you, Jack?

Jack, want to play some baseball?

Captain Jack: So what should we do, if we need a restroom?
Barbosa: You can use my leg, or whatever it\'s called afterwords.

"Jack, is this your idea of roleplay?"

Jack: "You want to put that leg in what!?"

Not only is it enormous but, if I can just find the on switch, you'll see that it vibrates as well.

Jack: "If I hear 'It puts the lotion on it's leg' one more time......"

in the meantime. Wanna smoke some green?

if you had scissorhands we could get out of this mess

Barbosa: "ok, here's the joke....there's two guys tied to trees in the middle of the forest and......"

You didn't think my leg was the only wood I had on me, did you?

Yo Ho Ho & a leg-o-rum for me!

Oh, blow the man down, bullies, blow the man down
Way aye blow the man down
Oh, blow the man down, bullies, blow him away
Give me some time to blow the man down!

Jack: What are you doing? Get up! You can't sit there! GET UP!
Barbosa: Why not? It's a tree. Jack: No, that. It is not a tree. That is Long John Silver's tree.
Barbosa: People have carved their names in it. See? "Best of luck, suckers. Three Musketeers is totally gonna help me hit it big! Signed, Orlando Bloom."

So am I duck or goose?

why is IT black?

"If I hear you say somethin' about me hat one more time, me leg be goin' t' give your face a hug"

Can ya tell me Jack...why we keep trusting the crew??

Wanna play hot potato with my Peg?

You should be fine as long as you don't think about something itching.

You know Jack I get the strange feeling we are on that "Lost" island.......

so Jack you"ve been in these situations before......how do we get out

"Arrr...all the rum in me leg's gone."
"What do you mean 'the rum's gone'?!?!"

"Wait I thought we were in Saw... awkward"

And thats the 2nd time i got Crabs!!

I'm very happy for you, but how does your having a peg leg help me?

Don't worry captain Jack, this will surely cure your stutter.

Jack, " So at what point did you think 'this' was better than hiding in the bush? ".

There is a dagger in my leg

I think I am sitting on an ant hill...

Oh sure, you're Johnny Depp, millions of dollars, women love you, fantastic career, but I have this and it'll telescope out further if I let it. What do you think of that mister sissy pants?

I keep a stash of the real good stuff in me wooden leg.

I got the bat. Where's the ball?

"You'd think Disney would just ask us to do Pirates 5 instead of tieing us down."
"I'd rather do The Tourist 2"

How was I suppose to know that the natives here hate pirate musicals?!?

"Yatzee!"

"Barbossa, I'm afraid you don't quite comprehend the meaning behind the phrase, 'break a leg.'"

the think my leg has fallen sleep...the wood one.

That better be the last body part you take a swig out of. Seriously.

I thought we signed up for "On Stranger Tides", not "A Stranger Ties"...

So Jack, where are your sea turtles now!
Shut up Barbossa, didn't you die in the first movie?

Drink up me hearties, yo ho!

Captain Jack Sparrow here we are together again. But remember one thing The Black Pearl is mine.

Is this going in the Rum Diaries?

I said give me a hand- not a leg!

Did you know, that you can double sea scope as the perfect bong?

What are ya looking at? Get yur own boot mug.

Now is really not the time...

Would you like to play Stratigo...I have Stratego...

Seriously Barbie how does that support your weght if it is hollow?

I don't have a name for it yet. I was thinking, maybe...dildo? Wanna try it out with me?

Who's got the big stick now, Jack!

Don't worry Jack, we've got a leg up on them!

- Don't give me that look, Jack...it's just my leg!
- And here I thought that you may have got some wood?!

Transformers of the Caribbean.

Don't you dare call me Eileen

You call that a knife?....This is a knife!

That's not a knife that's a leg!

Ok you win....I see you've played knifey leggy before.

Barbosa: I lost this leg in NAM!

Sparrow: Psst, this movie is set in the 18th Century

"........I think I left the oven on"

Barbosa: Did you watch the new gilmore girls
Sparrow: No! Sex and The City was on.
Barbosa: Well when we get out this go on my poopdeck i have it on my DVR.

Theres my bong!

This is not what I told Ricardo Montalban my fantasy was.....

I wonder if Captian Crunch ever had this much trouble with the Trix rabbit.

"Johnny, you signed on for a franchise- Disney can keep you against your will, its in your contract."

I thought I told you to cut the grass? Now were lost!

...the jester of tortuga? HA! michael bolton needs to pick his projects better but I'll be honest with you, I love his music. I do. I'm a Michael Bolton fan. For my money, I don't know if it gets any better than when he sings "When a Man Loves a Woman".

so you keep rum in that ? Talk about a hollow leg!

Barbosa: There is something I've been been waiting to tell you Jack, I am your Father...( drunk night on the pearl.. I'll explain later). But in this case "Like Father Like Son".

Jack: Your humor is depressing, and this is why I drink!

I have one last request before we are executed. Ye being a captain and all. Will you marry me and my dear Peg?

So the fountain is just a firecracker eh.... a little underwhelming if you be asking me.

Well I'm not helping you if you keep looking at me like that.

"Why am I here? I was in the kings speech you know"

Like my wood?

Seriously dude! I don't think its supposed to snap off like that, you might want to go see a eurologist!

There's something I've wanted to tell you for a long time now...I've loved you since the moment I first saw you...big boy!

Barbossa "Knock, knock."

Sparrow "Who's there?"

Barbossa "Jack."

Sparrow "Jack who?"

Barbossa "Jack Pots."

I think I just swallowed a splinter.

GOOD IDEAS WHEN DRUNK:

Jack: I got it I'll call it the Rum diaries!

Barbossa: see, this i what makes me a real pirate!

Sparrow: so, i wear eyeliner!....and you only wear one shoe.