"Who ate my corndog?"

It's official... I'm Pregnant.

We saved that camel's back! Now... the Earth.

You want me to stick this where?!

I'm trying to fathom how you managed to get it all the way up there.

What the hell is this, a metaphor?

Give me the information I asked for or you will never get the straw to your Capri Sun.

Whose idea was it to bring straws on this ship ?

We got the straw, who has the powder?

stop the bomb; or this goes in your pee hole!

We are in space, why the hell do i need a straw!

You know what has to be done, Affleck. This is going up your ass the easy way, or the hard way.

I wish you'd told me where this was BEFORE I took my gloves off.

What's a 'continuum transfunctioner'?

Yippee ki-yay, Mr. Falcon!

Wll Patton: This straw may solve our problems....

Bruce Willis: Like in that movie Apollo?

Will Patton: No. That's a movie this is real life. Get with the reality Bruce Will.. uh. I mean.. uh.. Harry!

May I present to you, the real hero of this misson: Inanimate Carbon Rod!

Arm-a-geddon too old for this stuff!

I remembered the straw, where's the helmet?

You shot the rocket without the antenna??!!!...**Ackward Silence**

Will Patton: You know what I don't get? You see of of these sci-fi movies where they have the crew of the ship smoking all the time. I mean, what's up with that? Kinda dangerous in an all oxygen environment, huh?
Bruce Willis: Well, our movie has explosions in space with no oxygen to fuel the fire blast.
Will Patton: Point taken.

Bruce Willis: What, are you gonna have a slurpie?
Will Patton: This isn't the detonator?
Bruce Willis: Oy vey...

Watch me pull a McGuyver and save the world with this piece of I don't know what it is.

"We found this anal probe... These aliens are sick."

"And whoever get's the short straw has to set the bomb. . .I mean seriously, what's the worst that can happen?"

Bruce Willis: "Don't you find it odd that they thought it would be easier to teach oil drillers how to be astronauts rather than teach astronauts how to drill a hole?"
Will Patton: "Whatever, my straw is longer, Not it!"

Great, since I drew the shortest straw guess I'll be catching a ride on the comet.

Huston we have a problem....we have run out of Tang

The straw. It's the key to everything?...What don't you understand.

patton: Does this mean im going?

Willis: He's not going...who will remember the titans if he dies...nobody...who will remeber john McClain...everyone

What do you mean we're out of lollypops?

"I'll admit, we were expecting a bigger drill ..."

"Okay, I brought the straws, who forgot the drinks?"

Give me the keys to the ship and I will give you'r wife her vibrator back

Anyone for a game of pick-up-sticks?

What do you mean I compensating?

"I was told that one personal item wouldn't be a problem."

Hey guys? I know you think I'm crazy, but I'd really like this responsibilty!

The nuke is a bust.....the only thing that can save the world....is this straw!

You and me are gunna finish off this milkshake....ONCE AND FOR ALL!!

RESPECT THE POUCH RESPECT IT!

That line of coke isn't going to snort itself

That's not a stick, it's Michael Bay's original screenplay.

Now all we need is some duct tape and a paperclip and we can get this show on the road !!!

All we need is some duct tape and a paper clip then we can get this show on the road !!!!

Why do our suits look like Mr. Freeze's suit in Batman & Robin?

Looks like Jedi Master Seacrest forgot his lightsaber again.

Two men called USA

Why can't Steven Tyler be the conductor for the soundtrack in outer space?! Damn! I'm always stuck doing it...

OK, so now we know it takes 135 licks to get to the center, can we please go save the earth?

How about a magic trick? I'm gonna make this straw disappear.

"This is the key to humanity's survival, tit's a ... wait a second, a straw?"

Will Patton: Who do you think I am? ...MacGyver?!?!?

Where's the flag? We can't claim being the first people on the moon without the flag.

Armageddon tired of these space suits.

Watching Tv: Coming up on Tmz.....Michelle "Bombshell" McGee releases dirty text messages sent to Jesse James.

your kidding, right!!!

Will Patton: "I should of brought my gun"
Bruce Willis: "What?"
Will Patton: "This should be fun"(in a sarcastic kind of way)

I'm going. Look. This is how excited I am to go!

All these pockets and no where to put my straw?

I know we're coming out on Blu-Ray, but couldn't they have used some other colors in this movie?

Wait, our mission is Mars now!?!?

Disco Space Dance Party

Welcome to Appleby's table for two?

Why so serious? Let me cheer you up with a magic trick.

8-)

confucious say "man who eats with one chopstick, is most skillful"

Bruce Willis: "Take this to defend yourself, it's a powerful weapon."
Wll Patton: "This is a pen"
Bruce Willis: "Only use it in times of severe distress"
Wll Patton: "This is A' PEN"

After so many years you give me a straw to decide who will win this contest?

Capatin, Kirstie Alley has snuck onboard and raided the galley...this is all that is left.

Bruce Willis Dies!

i'm not going anywhere until i get my whiskey first... on rocks... please..

Now, hand me the continuum transfunctioner...

NO Pixistix in space!

Will Patton: You want me to exam this guy's prostate exam in the middle of this? You seriously want me to save earth or this man's life?

Are you saying to me that this damn straw destroy our last drill?

Patton: i can kill a man with this!
Willis: He is right! I've seen it before.

forget the nuke.........i saw this on MacGuyver once....trust me.....it'll work...

OK, who at my space popsicle?

Oh Yeah look at our space suits!.... sorry we only have two , here you can use this straw to breathe

Who's that for? Mr. Ed? You stick that thing in me, I'm gonna stab you in the heart with it. You ever see Pulp Fiction?

So you're telling me that this stick was dislodged MPAAs ass? Funny... woulda thought it was bigger...

The drills a bust, we're gonna dig with this

and boom...game changer

So career wise. Which one of use drew the shortest one?

"Where's my juice box?"

Yeah, yeah, yeah I know we got ten minutes to save the world, whatever. Now again which of you bastards stole the last corndog?

Will Patton: I think I found the key to Earth's survival.
Bruce Willis: Actually, that's a straw.
Will Patton: Oy vey!

Lets Make this rock REMEMBER the night that it went against the digging team!!

Let me get this straight. You left our equipment back on Earth, so now we need to drill 800 feet through compressed iron ferrite ... with this?

Will this work, MacGruber?

Wait, Ben Affleck drew the short straw?
If he dies, who's going to play Daredevil?

"Are you serious? We're supposed to stop this asteroid with a piece of wire!?"

"Are they serious with these space suits? I feel like Darth Vaders bastard son."

Alright.... Who took my Capri Sun?!?!

Don't fart in the suit...

Who ate my lollipop??

This was what was causing all of the itching. Burn that for me.

This stick is thicker than the plot to this film.

This is how i look without the suit, so whatever Nasa says, i'm not giving it back!

Atleast this STICK will be in another movie.

"Hey Bay, you gonna put a car chase in this movie too"

I took apart this piece of junk built by the lowest bidder and when I put it back together, I had an extra one of these. Do you thinki it is important?

This is the thinnest joint I have ever seen. Who has a match. Hell, its the end of the world!

Does this look like a Bendie Straw?

It appears NASA only packed one remote detonator, but for some reason we have five boxes of straws.

In space no one can hear you slurp....

to answer your question, about this big

You mean to tell me we're 700,000 miles from Earth, we have two weeks worth of lo mein, and you only brought one chopstick?

Tonight on CSI: NASA;
Detectives Chappel: "I just recovered the Alien's DNA."

Detective Stamper: So this alien has been up to something illegal."

YEAH!!!

I left my chocolate milk.. right here..

the machines are broken??? so what now? do we have to dig with this straw?

Actual Size......

Zoltan!

And the two actors stared blankly at Michael Bay:
"Just hold these straws, yell at each other, and I'll blind you with green, purple, and blue lights from all directions! Action!"

So, how many licks does it take to get to the center of.....?

I guess I'm going...

Wow to whole pack of salty sticks .

Whats the difference between this straw and Ben Affleck? They both suck but a straw doesn't cost $4 million.

We are not going to share this straw.

"I've only got one thing to ask of you..... make sure they remember the titans?"

Two guys... one straw.

NASA accidentally only provided a single chopstick for the team's 5 year journey into space.

ben you should have told us you were pregnant!!

Not cool man! You call this a bendy-straw?

50 bucks says you can hear someone scream in space.

"Well, we know it takes 232 licks to get to the center of a Tootsie-Pop. Now let's see what it takes to get to the center of this space rock we're on."

Dude, this is a twizzler. What did you want me to do with this again?

This ain't gonna reach.

What do you mean there's only one straw? No wonder y'all wanted me to draw first!

You honestly think this will prop my head left in the suit? I just want to be balanced like Bruce.

You never really realize how stupid these Hollywood space suits look until you see them in a still, do you? What the hell is this? A Buzz Lightyear pull string?

"Argh...That's IT! This...IS...THE...LAST STRAW!!! No, really. This is THE last straw."

you ate my tootsiepop?

you call this a cigarette?

Okay, did anybody see which part of the ship this fell off?

"Come on Mr. Bay, you know damn well we're going to need more explosives than this!"

Guys, we're out of helmets. Use this straw as a snorkel and get out there and kick some asteroid.

It's a straw jim but not as we know it!

Ok ok let me get this straight we've flown 150,000 miles got to go on a suicidal mission to get onto a gigantic asteriod to drill deep into, to plant the bomb and this is the longest piece of fuse wire you brought with you....well am not lighting the thing no frickin way man!!!

Cost of launching two rockets = Billions
Cost of astronaut training = Millions

Saving the world with a straw = Priceless.

Why doesn't his space suit sleeve reach his wrist? And why do they look like sweaters?...

ok so i put it all together but i have this one peice left and i am not sure what its for

Alright guys, we've got to save the world now and all we have is this straw. Where's MacGuyer when we need him?

Ok, who drank the last Capri Sun??

Now THAT'S al dente!

Well, Here comes Ironman!

THIS IS A TEST PUT THIS UNDER YOUR LEFT BREASST IF IT DOESNT FALL I WIN

WILLIS :
"IF U TRY TO PUNCTURE MY SUIT WHEN I M GOING TO BLOW THE NUKE,I SWEAR I WILL STICK YOU ON THAT NUKE AND WE WILL PLAY WITH THE LITTLE THING IN YOUR HAND"

NASA GUYS EXPECT ME TO SAVE THE WORLD WITH THIS SMALL PEICE OF "NOTHING" LETS GO BACK AND SEND A SAUCER FROM AREA 51"

THIS IS A TEST PUT THIS UNDER YOUR LEFT BREAST AND I WIN

WILLIS STARTS CRYING AND SAYS"GUYS IN DONT WANT TO DIE SO YOUNG...I HAVE A DAUGHTER TO LOOK AFTER"AND SAVE HER FROM BEN WHO WAS DATING JENNIFER LOPEZ WHO GOT MARRIED TO MARC ANTHONY."

WE HAVE TO DRILL A HOLE IN THE ASTEROID AND THIS IS WHAT NASA GAVE US TO DRILL,NASA HAS SENT US ON A SUCIDE HOLIDAY MISSION,I SHOULD HAVE BROUGHT MY WIFE AND KIDS WITH ME..

GUYS ITS TIME FOR A BUDLIGHT,DONT U THINK BRUCE,
BRUCE:YEAH YEAH,EVEN IF WE DRILL SHIT UP,THE SYSTEM WILL STILL MISSFIRE AND I M THE ONE WHO HAS TO STAY BACK AND DIE,SO LET ME HAVE MY LAST BUDLIGHT,WITH THIS NASTY METAL STRAW IN YOUR HAND

Chick: "I think our friends at NASA screwed up. Instead of 14" drill bits all I can find are these 1/4" bits."

Harry: "Thank God I loaded the second shuttle myself."

do you want to suck this on his butt.,okey..

"Wanna Get Away?"

-Southwest Airlines

You got Milk? I got straw.

This straw has more training than half the crew

I thought you'd feel that way, Garry. We'll do you last.

Longer straw, longer life.. you want it?

Are you thinking what I'm thinking? It's pretzels' time! yum yum!

Explain to me again how I use this thing to go to the bathroom in space.

Chic: Seriously? A Straw? You thought trading a tactical nuclear weapon for something to drink your KoolAid with was a better idea than going to 7-11 and stealing one?

Col. Sharp: What is our current depth?

Harry: Our current depth is not important, Colonel.

Col. Sharp: I'll decide what's important. We've got 800 feet to drill. You've had two and a half hours. Where are we?

(Chic holds up straw)

I told you mine was longer

So is it the long that one gets me killed or is it the short one?

"I know we're running low on marijuana, but could you have rolled this any thinner?!"

You are right....his lightsaber is much longer

How am I supposed to conduct my masterpiece with this?

It may be skinny but it will get the job done.

i'm pregnant

Bruce Willis: If I had a pen I could write that down.
Will Patton: A million dollar American space pen, or you could use a Russian pencil.

I think I am in the wrong movie because there is a bomb I should defuse."executive decision"

This one time...at space camp...

someone ate my space lollipop, was it you?

"What do mean there's no more Tang? I brought my favorite straw and everything."

This suit is ex-staw-dinary.

What am I suposed to do with this? Who am I Harry Potter?!?

Does this suit make me look fat?
Dammit Willis don't try and change the subject since you forgot the drinks.

what happend to my popsicle

Really? Tough guy the question is what I can't do with this straw, we're in space man no gravity think about it.

Just like NASA, provide the straw but no Tang juice box.

will patton: "problem solved gentlemen, i give you; the Inanimate Carbon Rod!"

"What do you mean i'll be able to pick him up with this after the expolsion."

You have the ring, and I see your Schwartz is as big as mine

i know we had to travel light but one god dam pretzel for the two of us.

Are you kidding me, were backup dancers for lady gaga's next music clip.

Thats not a toothpick, this is a Toothpick.

Thats not a Toothpick, This is a Toothpick.

Well, seems like you're the one co-starring with Tracy Morgan this summer, Brucie... Knock-knock!

This is why I am saving the world...for the straws....for the straws man!!!!

"Even in space you suck at Ker Plunk"

Expecto PETROUNUM!!

-With this stick I'll make the buggy jump the hole...
-Sh'yeah!

Somebody better find the can that was attached to the straw.....thirst makes me lose it!

"I choose....BRUCE."

"I'm gettin' tired of askin' you, boy. Flush and then use this incense!" It ain't like we can open up windows around here..."

"Why did I even draw straws? FML...."

"Today I tried saving the earth from an asteroid with my friends, but I was picked to die for all man kind, FML"

Yes sir that is correct, this is all thats left of Sarah Jessica sir.

Pixie Stix?

iocane powder. I'd bet my life on it.

they pulled this out of my.....

They looked in disbelief that Houston had just informed them they had been PUNKED, and were really just delivering a shipment of straws....

And so began what was known as the sippie cup mutiny.

Because they accidentally left the TAP on Earth, NASA's finest successfully tapped the ships Keg with a straw.

Who was sticking spit balls on the ceiling of the ship?

ALRIGHT! WHO ATE THE LAST ROCKET POP?!?

Looks like I'm armagetting outa here.

so were is the beef my man.

lets make a nice butter rosted chicken

I'm not gonna get mad, I just wanna know who ate my corndog,

You're telling me this suppasotory will keep me alive?

i thought i told you to leave your creepy sex toys back on earth affleck!

That Kool-Aid Man has crashed through his last wall. I've got no choice but to take him out of his misery and drink him.

I am gonna do this, you want to know why? ......Cause its small...

Now hold on. You mean to tell me that this is the smallest piece of floss you could fine?

What do you mean it's my turn in the barrel!?

Ive killed people with less...

OK, an asteroid is hurtling towards earth... and you're giving me this... stick... to stop it? Wrong movie! I'm not MacGruber!

O.k. Mr. Gere, here, use this. Gerbils hate straws.

You know there gonna make a porno now called ArmaGet-it-on!

In space, noodles are STRAIGHT.

Looks like someome got hit with the ugly stick!

Not Shown: Everyone drinking the last of the juice boxes.

Tie this around your finger, Michael Bay...so as you don't forget to reuse these shots for future film projects (especially the explosions, people love explosions love explosions love explosions)...

you put this where??

Let's "stick" to the plan... get it... stick ..to... the plan... I have a stick... awww forget it

I have the straw, now wheres the Juicy Juice?

Bruce Willis-The straws have to be at least...3 times bigger than this
Duvall(Mugatu)- ....He's absolutely right

Willis-the straws have to be at least...3 times bigger than this
Patton-He's absolutely right

they look so similar

Patton- Turn around...drop your pants...and pray to God that nobody opens their mouth about this

No seriously, I am gonna pose just like this for that TrailerAddict.com give away it will be hilarious!

Haven't you got a dollar or something, its hard enough to do cocaine in this suit, now you give me this tiny straw.

So Michael Bay is going to have Freddy use this instead in the new Nightmare On Elm Street?

To recap, we're going to fly down to the camel, I'm going to put this on it's back, and then we're going home heros. Soooound Good?

Houston, you gave me plain pocky when I asked for strawberries.

I dunno bruce, i dont think this is big enough for the two of us!

Are you ready to take exSTRAWdinary measures?

This stick will save us all!

Watch... with this new Virtual Reality Photoshop... I can draw a control pad like Vadar had... right on my suit..!

"How did you manage to remember the stylus to your Nintendo DS and forget the DS itself? No, we've come too far to turn back now! And you're one of the guys who's supposed to help save the Earth? We are so boned."

This is covered by the new health plan.

Now Harry, this guy said he would make it disappear, yet clearly I still have it

Patton: We came all the way up here to drill, not play Ker-plunk!
Willis: You say that now that you lost!

And then he pulled it out! I'm speachless!

All we need now is a little duck tape and MacGyver and this asteroid is toast.

Alright now who stole my last juice box!

will patton: is this are drlill

Bruce willis no thts wht we use to pee in up here

Will patton wht theres notoilets

Bruce willis were in space whould you like me to demonstrate wht happens when you go to the bathroom in space

Will patton yeah let me just put mygloves on
o darn i forgot where i put them

Bruce willis sigh just draw the dam straws alrdy we allknow ben affleck has the small straw so im sry but the tribe has voted you out

"11000 scientist in NASA, worlds most technologically advanced space station and here we are deciding the hero to form the fate of earth in a most traditional way. "

Be honest.....Does this space suit make me look fat ??

"This is my straw. There are many others like it, but this one is mine."

So your telling me I can't use this to write on my new iPad.

Got a light?

... What the...?!

hmmm i can finaly reset the damn clock on this suit.

Pap Smear anyone?

"I'd take pleasure in guttin' ya, boy!"

I hope the asteroid doesn't have gas problems I pinched it with this straw

But i'm telling you my milkshake brings the boys to the yard.

What do you expect me to do with this? Save the world?!

One!
Good job, Rain Man.

Who ate my caramel apple?

We had a deal. I scratch your back you scratch mine.

We're supposed to blow up the meteor, with this?

First Nakatomi Plaza, now earth.

-"What do we do now?, the ship has broken"
-"Don't worry, i just need some tape"

You mean to tell me that this is our secret weapon?

You're telling me we came all the way out here...for THIS?

Seriously??