Yeah...I'm compensating...

I know I shouldn't have but... Trojan is the # 1 trusted brand.

Because cash seems so impersonal.

Every kiss ass begins with Kay's...

It's easy to do just follow these steps:
1... Cut a hole in a box.
2... Put your junk in that box.
3... Make her open the box.
And that's the way you do it .

He went to Jared's!

This belonged to my Uncle Gollum. He had...uhh...heart attack or something...just try it on!

Here honey, a statuette of my favorite animal, the gerbil!

Sometimes Size does matter.

Oh of coarse these diamonds aren't for you. You're a whore! I left your cash, rolled up in a rubberband and dropped it in your stipper boots. Thanks for the herpes, and have a wonderful evening.

I love it and I love you. I'm never going back to the street anymore.

It's a restraining order. You didn't actually think I would bring some ho' up in my suite, did you?

"Diamonds...she'll pretty much have to..."

"And then I had it bronzed......."

Ignore the made in china sticker... only the most expensive jewelry comes from there, trust me.

It's my d*ck in a box! :D

"Here's the first of two pearl necklaces you'll be wearing tonight" ; )

This is my pet gerbil Harry.

Warning: This box could cause you to laugh like a lunatic.

I asked for a ring, but I guess I can settle for this.

That's a reaallly nice case!

Wow! I've never been to Paris before... oh, another necklace.

It's my detachable penis, I had it dipped in gold for you.

"a mirror! It's perfect"

"yes, something we can both enjoy"

Didn't Saturday Night Live make a song about this?

"WAIT! You know what I want to hear first."
"The rain ... in Spain ... stays mainly in the plain"

"I just got my bailout check today and look what I got you!"

And when I move my finger.....It wiggles!

If you like the spiked collar, you should see the ball gag that goes with it.

Wait until you see the rest of my family jewels.

Go on... touch it... you know you want to...

turret's moment in 3...2...

I got this ho droolin' all over my cubic zirconia. I'm so pimp.

I got you a little something. It's called the "heart of the ocean." It fell off a big boat from back in the 20s.

Box: BURRRRRRRRP!....ehm....sorry

Nothing says old school romance better than a blobby picture.

Gere - You never stared at me like that!!!
Roberts - Yeeeeeaaaaaaah!!! You are not luminous like this.

Roberts: What is it?

Gere: It's the key to the city, now instead of working the streets you own them

"It's rented, just like you"

"See... You don't need this. You're perfect as you are, with or without jewels."

DUDE!......Dude!....I know DUDE...DUDE.

The FIRST EVER, "Pretty Woman" Blu-Ray Copy!!!.....The FIRST, EVERRRRRRRRR!!!!!! We're not on VHS anymore!

In 14 years, people will be able to watch us in high definition. We'll call it...Blu-ray!

this is my precious!, please ,do not touch it or I'll blow your fingers.

"Beautiful, isn't it? Yeah, I think my mom will really love it. You should pick one up yourself some time."

Thats nice, but does it come in a large?

The way your dad looked at it, this necklace was your birthright. He'd be damned if any slopes gonna put their greasy yellow hands on his girls birthright, so he hid it, in the one place he knew he could hide something: his ass. Five long years, he wore this necklace up his ass. Then when he died of dysentery, he gave me the necklace. I hid this uncomfortable piece of metal up my ass for two years. Then, after seven years, I was sent home to my family. And now, little girl, I give the necklace to you.

Now I am going to try it on, you better not close it when going for it...

Yes! A Gerbil!

"Yeah, I know, you told me it's detachable, but wow, I've never seen it in the light before. Heck, I can barely see it in the light."

Extreme Makeover; the bitch edition

That is your finger in their right?

Look what I got for the same price as you for the week!!!

This here is the stimulus bill. I hope it stimulates you!

Screw the pre-nup, I'll just take this and be on my way to the next gu.... I mean um, dang, did I say that out loud. What I meant was, Thanks! Can you help me put it on?

Here is your beautiful parting gift. Now get your hooking butt out of here.

Behind my smile is a hurting heart. Behind my laugh I'm falling apart. Look closely at me and you will see, the love for you that tries to be.

Richard Gere: Julia, I've bought you your own copy of Pretty Woman on Blu-ray

Julia Roberts: ...thanks..... I mean I asked for Transformers.. but i guess this will do

"Oh....the Richard Gere film collection....thanks?"

"Cubic zirconia"
Because Hookers can't tell the difference anyways.

I hope this makes up for my old age

RG, "Yes, these are real and beautiful - just like you."

"If you take the blue pill we continue down the rabbit hole where we get married and live happlier ever after in this fantasy land. Take the red pill and you go back to your real life being a hooker out on the street. The choice is yours."

"It's a little smaller than I was imagining..."

I bet you've never seen a condom like this before?

For you're next prize, you'll have to gangbang the mexican bellhops!

Here you go. A gift for your pimp!

Here are the results to your AIDS test....

"It looks so big up close!"
"THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!"
"What?"
"You'll get it in 12 years"

Richard gere thinks to himself "I can't believe i 'm giving a hooker a 2 million dollar diamond necklace, but anything to allow her to ingnore her kissing rule".

is...........is that it?

Stick in your hand in my Narnia

"You want me to put my hand in where?"

Look what Bernard L. Madoff sent me for Christmas.

I was going to get you a blue ray copy of Pretty Woman from Trailer Addict but some jerk named chianinyc won the contest so I got you this instead.

RG: This is a photo of my dog. Some prick hit him in the asshole with his car.
JR: Rectum.
RG: Rectum? Damn near killed 'em!

Prelude to an eBay Auction

Omg I love it!

of course I wont close it on your fingers, after all, I am an officer and a gentelman!

A box! For me!? YAY!

Thanks for the Portuguese Breakfast.

I thought it would be bigger?

Stop Smiling it's got to go back I lost most of my money in the credit crunch

If you think that's something, you should see what's in my pants.